Saturday, September 17, 2011

an introduction to my new blog and character creation

Hello whatever tiny sect of the world one day reads this. I am chocl8215 and I'm a nerd. just wanted to make that extremely eidetic (yeah, chris you might have tenebrous but I got eidetic. WHAT!) though i think you may have figured it out since this whole blog will be about a DND adventure I'm DMing with help from my co-DM Chris, who you may know as hootchute. you may call me choc or Jack whichever you prefer and I feel I must give you the official squee913 warning: MAY CAUSE FACEPALMING. now that you have been sfficiently warned of the ineptitude of my compatriots I believe we can begin with their introductions.

First we have Hessakhan (or Jamey) a noble dragonborn paladin.
strengths: amazing damage absorption, of high moral standard, healing
weaknesses: almost always nut-checkable.

second up is... erm... well I don't know his character name but it begins with a T.... hmm. whatever his name is philip.
strengths: damage dealing, damage taking, attempts everything that might work.
weaknesses: his ideas almost never do work.

thirdly we have my and good friend Sovellis the eladrin warlord
strengths: healing powers, pelvic thrusting
weaknesses: whores out to half-orcs

and last (but certainly not least) is Nosferatuu the shardmind wizard. (aka david, goku, gorrilla grod, grape ape, fat albert, sir jigglesworth, the star spangled banner, janemba, and morbidly obese albert)
strengths: summoning magical penises, use of flaming sphere
weaknesses: magical penises are quite useless actually.

and so the spic saga begins. I told this story to my players to get them raring to go for the game:


After you left your disgraced clan you wandered the woods for a few months, not knowing where you were and all the while wondering what has happened to your clan. Eventually you met an Eladrin by the name of [insert Chris’s name here] who told you of his journey, you were together for less than a week when, as you were sleeping, slavers netted you and took you to a ramshackle coliseum. There [insert Chris’s name here] and you were separated. It has been over a year since you saw each other but your life has been all right since then. You are fed 3 hearty meals a day, treated somewhat fairly, and have the honor of facing the toughest fighters they have captured. Recently a dragonborn was taken; they say he took down 3 slavers before knocked unconscious by a blow to the head from a sap. Today you are to fight him, but earlier today you saw was has become of [insert Chris’s name here]. The torment he has been put through has awoken the beast within you, and your rage has never been more heightened. Tonight, after killing this dragonborn, you will get him and escape this hell hole.


For several years now, you wandered the forests as a nomad, almost forgetting your leadership skills but never the haunting memories of the day your parents were killed by Fomorians. Recently you stumbled upon a Minotaur, with whom you graciously allied, eager for a companion. Soon thereafter you were captured by slavers and tested of your strength. Having had little practice with a club, you were mercilessly beaten by your half-orc opponent and thrown in a windowless cell. You were rarely taken out to fight but you practiced your skills with many weapons each day, as your captives would give you whatever weapon you preferred to practice with but gave you a random and shoddy weapon to fight with. Because you rarely fought, your meals – when they came at all – were skimpy, consisting mainly of wilted fruits and rat meat. You were occasionally beaten because you still retained the ideals of your noble parents; unfortunately one of those ideals was to never let anyone tell you what to do. It has been a year since you saw your companion but you cracked a few days ago and gave in to their sick games. For this obedience you have been allowed to watch the greatest fight they have put on; a spectacle between a dragonborn and your Minotaur companion, the only question is whether or not you will want to see what has become of him.


Ever since you left the monastery, you have explored dank dungeons, crumbling arkhosian ruins, and other depraved places. But you were recently ambushed while travelling. Several assailants tried to capture you, and were it not for a lucky blow to the skull, they would have. However you went out in true Dragonborn Fashion, slaying three of them and wounding 4 others. You have been taken to a coliseum and stripped of all your possessions, namely your weapon and armor. For your first fight, you are to face a Minotaur with a shabby bronze sword and no armor besides a filth encrusted loincloth.


You have finally awoken but you found yourself in a dark, small box; feeling claustrophobic, you opened the box, to be smacked on the head with a blackjack. You awake again to find that your head hurts, you can’t concentrate, and you have been locked in a cell suspended above water brimming with pirhannas. Some rather rude creatures explain to you that this is where they store what they call “big game” what this means you have no idea, but you have a feeling of dread that you can’t shake. You hear them speak of a “grand spectacle” tonight between two bestial creatures, but have little clue what they mean. Little do they know, however, that these bars will not hold you for long.

explanations of anything upon request, also I noticed that Jamey's story was leaving out a very important detail; on his first true adventure Hessakhan discovered a gleaming steel hilt of a sword, emblazoned with his family's crest but without the head of Bahamut (the noble dragon god) and instead with the head of Io (the original dragon god, from which were spawned Bahamut and Tiamat who is the bitchy evil dragon goddess)

now for the story so far: after a few rounds of heated combat, in which Hessakhan foolishly wasted his daily power on uh... we'll call Philip's character Mr. T for now. he realized that this minotaur was acting this way because he... okay biscuit please stop distracting me with your puppy dog eyes and your little wet nose and your AWWWWWW SHE'S SO CUTE!.. ahem.. back to DND. (she really is cute) because he was enraged at something else, after Hessakhan brought him out of this delirium with some quick words, they began a poorly concieved attempt to rescue Soveliss from his cage (which was on the floor of the coliseum and connected to the exit.... rather poor design choice but hey, it works normally.) after several failed attempts to bash down the bars the crown began hurling rocks at them all the while Soveliss's guard was distracted by several minutes of pelvic thrusting on Sovellises part. After destroying the bars, killing the guard, and being pelted with debris, they went down a hatch to the blood-works (cause that's original) where they killed 2 more guards, retrieved their equipment, and saved Nosferatu. in an attempt to place the guard in Nosferatu's cage (which was suspended above a tank full of piranhas) they accidentally dropped the poor son-of-a-bitch into the waters where he was quickly devoured, were it not for the steadying hand of Hesskhan though, Mr T. would have certainly met the same fate. after Nosferatu found a magical crystal staff they battled their first mini-boss, a gnoll archer who pelted them with arrows and nearly killed Mr. T, Hessakhan found a new sword, this one enchanted to inflict frost damage and even slow its target. as well as some healing potions which were quickly consumed by Soveliss as he was pussying his way across an 80-foot long bridge to freedom whilst being attaked by blood hawks and arbalesters (a golem-like creature that fires massive arrows from it's back, it is shaped like a crossbow with legs) with guidance from Hessakhan and food from Mr. T the party made their way to the nearby village of Troyarsicca, where without Hessakhan's staying hand Soveliss would have made 50 gold from performing fillaschio on the half orc guard stationed there. and that, my dear readers, is where this week ends.

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